Easter 2010......

Anyway, this I don't feel much about Easter I am not sure why is this happening to me? not only that... Of course I remember that since Good Friday until Sunday (Easter). I know that it was the day where by Jesus was crucified and died for our sins but some how I don't even know why I just not in my heart..... and doesn't touch me so much. Comparing to last year Easter ..... the only thing my heart is keep thinking about how I celebrated Easter last year .... maybe just feel there is so much bonding within there I don't know why maybe because of Puan Lee told us the story .... what happen to her last year's Good Friday.... she just remembered it is the day that the Lord crucified and she cried in the car while she was driving and then after school she stopped by a church and she sat there for a while and she just went off. And maybe because in school we keep reminding each other . Hey is EASTER so how are you guyz going to celebrate ? what are the programmes you have in church ? and then now I remember something about Ash Wednesday ( only Catholics), they fasted for 40 days... But why is it this things keeps reflecting in my mind.. Maybe I am person who is not heading forward but backwards.... but then nothing much yeah and I remembered Marie Anne brought a book is all about Jesus Christ's Life and Death and she bring it to let Kathi read it... Maybe is kinda of like a celebration that we missed ... Anyway if you do according what you feel is wrong because I even thought of not celebrating good friday in church but somehow I came to church.... Sometimes I was wondering is my heart still with God? Am I straying away? I hate it! I hate leaving God aside.... I know but somehow is this stupid feeling or doubts..... that causes me to do it..... I am afraid of losing God... without him how can I do it?