Problems

In our life I always do believe in any circumstances we will have problems and we will go through some form of suffering and sadness is not easy to handle these problem. One thing I found out recently is that I never knew how depressed and sad I was until I revisit my old Facebook account and that those things I have posted and even some of the mean and nonsensical post it was me. I do have to admit that I am wrong and also I was able to see that the good thing of 'closing' down this account ( it didn't delete my account permanently). The real reason for shutting down this old Facebook is because I really want to focus on my studies and that I did open a new account so that is only close friends and for those who add me would really want to know me personally.However even this new account has failed me for the reason being that close friend of mine Lee Jia May posted some nasty things about me and she hid it from me and make sure that I won't know about it and it feels like an bomb had bombarded in my heart and crush into pieces of my heart and that it forces me to the extend that I have to delete her from my account ( I know she called MA and asked her why I have deleted her from my account and blah blah!). If a person who really knows me well I am a straightforward person even when I am  a negative person deep down in my heart.

I guess that Jia May didn't know that I have treated her as my close friend once I knew about what she had posted in Facebook bad things about me, then I'll do all I can to fulfil her request not to call her or meet up with her or disturb her ever again in her life. since this is what she wanted as literally she posted in her Facebook oh well! is also good to know that we are on par that I deleted her from my new account and she also deleted me from my old account but what she never realized that she is still a dear friend to me. A good friend would take at any cost just to make another friend happy. One of the things I realized also that she is also a person who is being negative whenever any conversation pops up and didn't realized that how fortunate she was, which whom I was once before and Hannah also knows the level of my negativity in my behavior and that as I have reflected each and every time and every moment of my life I do realized that in some form I no longer have the fear of accepting failure and that I have overcome my low-self esteem and I sincerely Thank God for that and I do count my blessings that I have a good family (although they still criticize me on my appearance and that I didn't fulfill the standard of my studies like my other cousin's oversea graduates with second class upper and so on and so forth and also my ugly flat nose). Is not easy to overcome these problems in terms of family and relationship with friends and also failure of not being accepted into Local University as I wanted which have led me to suicidal thought at some point of time.

But what I am trying to say is that look at the bright side, suicide and depression doesn't mean that your life ends here and I guess is very important to look at a bright side and plan what happens if you fail this. let say if plan A fails there is always a wider option in this world that is not the end of the world, I guess people these days are narrow minded especially within our culture that oh! she scores straights A and get yet I get 3A's. But another perspective that people don't see is that no matter how many A's you get and how many certificate you get but you have a bad character you can't go far. And Yet what they don't realized also that getting 3A's is also better than getting no A's at all and Even by passing three papers and fail one paper they just don't see that at least they pass three paper better than those who failed all subjects and Even if they fail that's not the end of the world because there is such thing is this world called resit!!! So what if you fail. Once there was a saying that ' Failure is the key to success'. What does this mean? 

 When you fail, the first thing you have to do is to realized the crux of the problem beneath your failure and don't get to depressed about it and also stop blaming other people for your failure and start your engine once again .If you realized that the last time you didn't put it enough effort this time try put in extra amount comparing before. I also admit that I am not perfect because I am human and so as everyone else, everyone has flaws even the person whom you loved.

I guess the only way to know yourself better is to have a mirror is some form which will reflect how bad you are and is important to tell yourself to stay calm try to be positive, learn from mistakes even in friendship and family relationship and also become a more understanding person as is ' what happens if you were her in that situation' and if you could avoid problems in terms of any family relationship or friendship then stay away or last resort ignore the problems  and never hide yourself, is very important to be true to yourself. Although the world out there , there are more nasty people and bullies around you more to come in working life.

What I need to learn now is be thankful for the things I have and also I really Thank God for the things he has given upon me a wonderful family and also having friends around me and brother and sister in Christ, whom I can talk to and share my spiritual life about the bible with them.

Although I've failed in keeping up a good relationship with a friend like Jia May (first time losing such a good friend)  if I know a person someone like her I might know how to handle them in future.

Although I have failed to keep up the standards of my family members (whether Christian or Non- Christian) at least I am true to myself and be who I am instead of  being under someones shadow which also includes some of my friends who can't accept me in some ways.

A true friend will accept you no matter who you are even if they have failed you, the doors are still open wide and welcome you anytime no matter how bad or nasty they are even they have back stabbed you  and forgive their wrong doings in any manner.

What has past is past look to the future! And don't look back

Remember the good moments that you had with your friends and not the bad ones because it will not do good to you.

Trust in the Lord always because he will never fail you and he will not forsake you either.