Chinese New Year Reunion dinner :)

Just now the dinner was great, yeah my bro (cousin) came back from Libya last week Thursday and also is funny how we describe the dish he cook as 'Libyan' dish :). Is a colourful reunion dinner I guess home cook food and with Chicken, Fish and Chinese sausages and also Siew Yuk. Yeah and also they bought Lettuce yeah and we wrapped some meat and just eat it (sounds like the Korean dish right? BBQ meat with lettuce and eat) but this is our version Wrapped up with Chinese sausages and not to forget about the gorgeous soup prepared by Ah Sow :) Anyway Ah Sow is a great cook! And thanks to her that the reunion was great and also after dinner we had some Snacks like chicken floss wrapped with wanton skin and deep fried and was made by Ah Sow and yeah Wit Nee's bf came and stopped by and Not to forget Our dear Sister, Con Nee in Aussie via Facetime Con Nee uses her Ipad where as Mine was iphone (yeah I have to admit that the screen is a bit small) and I get to see my cute niece and nephews. Woah Eugene is so cute! Yeah as usual he doesn't talk only stick to his psp but at least he says Bye Bye at the end, Elise is cute saw her dancing gangnam style with Ernest and Ernest is really chatty and show of his Mario toys and keep on telling us he went for his friend's birthday party and also when ah pa ask him to say Gong Hei Fatt Choi he didn't say anything instead Agnes who was right next to me say 'Gong Hei Fatt Choi' everyone was laughing. Yeah the twins were busying playing with their toys.

After the Facetime thing, Yeah we had snacks most of them are 80% homemade and also had pistachio nuts (from US) fresh and some local peanuts and also Ah Sow's chicken floss wrapped with wanton skin and also Fu Yi ( Wit Nee's bf) brought some snacks whereby his student's mum made it by herself, yeah saw the curry leaves :) and bought so many stuff for ah ma and for the family Wow! Not just the snacks we have both Some Chinese Tea and also french wine. :) I was a great reunion and dinner so far and a peaceful one!
Yeah as me and ah pa and ah ma went home Wit Nee and others(Ah Sow, Bro and twins and also Fu Yi) too send us home and also Wit Nee and Fu Yi proceeded their yumcha session at mamak stall.:D and also they will be going out for movie this tuesday. 

Yes you only send messages which is so insincere (talking to my bf) and you didn't call me and wish me! I just can't be bother with the greetings 'Blessed CNY to my family and friends'.Anyway, He never cares for me seriously if invite him for today's reunion dinner he would have rejected Why? Don't need to ask, plus asking him if he could join my parents side this coming friday no response anyway forget about it! Not inviting him!

Happy Chinese New Year

Hello!!!! Happy Chinese New Year! Is quite sometime I haven't been blogging about myself. Hmm..... nothing much kinda boring and sad. Yeah just know that last week someone pass away one my relatives cousin quite distance I guess. What have I been doing ? Anyway My resolution after Chinese New Year would be studying? I planned to start now but I guess kinda a slacking helping my mama( Aunt) to download some Chinese oldies and burn in the CD and Wow surprisingly ah pa(Uncle)  did ask me that he wanted some English Tango Oldies which are quite nice and I was like okay then he continued saying that he forgotten what is the name of the song. My mum went home to KK on Thursday and yeah she will be going back there and clean up the house in KK and cook for my bachelor Uncles :) which she normal won't do at home because she is always at work.

Haha funny Question? How is me and my bf? ' I cannot be bothered about him anymore. Really after that didn't text him any messages for almost three days haha and call me what was he only send me one message ' woo less jam today. hope can back early. yest terrible jam and rain'. Seriously when I told Wit Nee and Others Yeah his dad called me and ask me to stop messaging his son. That's practically non-sense right? I know Instead people must be wondering isn't he as a father should scold his son and not blaming his girlfriend? And by the way his dad has never even work in a company before keep on accusing me of this and that also guaranteed he will be bored when it comes to working the first week. Is common sense whether you work in a company or hospital what is the first week for? is called Induction or Orientation is just reading bits of paper and you sit there and do nothing or they just taking a tour in the office!!! Yeah I have friends and cousins who have change jobs like almost 4 -5 times during their lifetime so obvious that his dad wants to split us up right? And also now what is Chinese New Year !!!! is a holiday season Crap! So he doesn't even need to work much and the month of February is only 28 days! And then he get his Rm 2000+  pay check and pay up his dad's installments done! the bonus comes in like middle of the year? Anyway can't be bothered about it. Anyway I'm still young. Trust me Being in relationship really sucks  Yes. A tip for girls looking a boyfriend find a boyfriend who really cares for you and really loves you and is serious enough to make a commitment to rest of their lives. Never find those who always say 'I love You' all the time and do nothing and no phone calls and say that after you 'there is no one else'.

Oh Well now back again watching 90210 wow! I guess I have been really missing two season the last time I watch was season 3! Most of the time I was just reading the synopsis and now watching online streaming! :) Yeah I guess I used to be a great fan of Navid and Silver because he truly cares for Silver in Season 3 and in Season 4 and Season 5 Oh My! What has she become? She is not the girl which I really used to admire is like being the old Naomi Clark. I used to hate Naomi Clark. Yeah I guess in Season 3 Naomi had a relationship with Max  and yeah they broke up after the school graduation why? Yeah because Max parent's think that Naomi is a bad influence to their child (looks familiar right?). Anyway the last episode for season 3 Naomi told Max ' I think I'm pregnant'. Lol  I didn't watch season 4 anyway. I just read from wikipedia and anyway I guess their information might not be that accurate. Yeah I guess they broke up and also both of them went to two different Universities whereby both of them were nearby and closer to each other when they signed up for their Uni Options and both of them got their first choice :)

In season 4 (sources reading from wiki) Yeah Max and Naomi went for check up and it was a false alarm!! Woo Hoo! and then Naomi met Austin. Yeah Austin keeps on bugging on Naomi .However, Thanks to Annie when Naomi ask her to throw that letter away about Max she kept it and Holly found out about it because is one of the ways to make sure she wins the game in some competition. Yeah Max reappear in her life again and they are happy they kissed and then she told her everything  between her and Austin. And in between (I didn't really watch) That Naomi and Max become partners for some kinda show some kinda of fund raising for Raj (Ivy's husband) because he is having a cancer yeah and they both performed magic shows and Naomi and Max won because her aim was to take down Austin and his friend who is a country girl singer. Then Max thinking that Naomi like Austin yeah Naomi did explain to him and said No! And Then ........ I don't know what happen and knowing that Max is getting married to Madison and Naomi is the wedding planner for their marriage. and The last episode of season 4 Naomi wanted to fly to New York for her job and she met Austin then Austin told Naomi about Max .Naomi crash Max's wedding and tell him " Max I love you, I always have, You cannot marry Madison.........'  hahaha! Naomi humiliated herself , her last words were 'please continue and there will be reception afterwards'. Then she sat on the bench and she told Max she is sorry and all that Max told her " I didn't marry Madison..................". Yeah and then they kissed. I guess everyone was satisfied with this ending in season 4 yeah? I didn't watch season 5 at all and that. Yeah I know a glimpse of it is that Naomi and Max married and went for honeymoon and not sure really what happen. Of course most viewers would said that the scriptwriter will split them up which means divorce.

But Overall Max has bring the best out of Naomi .As for Navid I feel so sorry for him for the way Silver has been treating her and that she has having a baby and who is the dad? Teddy!!! I do remember my friend asked me choose the guy who will bring the best out of me? My answer will be like ' I don't know' and I would only say Christ is the only one who can bring the best out of me. And Yes for girls out there choose a guy will bring the best out of you.



   

Slacking off??

Seriously too many things that has happened lately and I'm busy even until the extend that I don't have time for homework. There is just so much to catch up !!!! I'm doomed! And also Christmas is coming soon.Time flies and then the year is going to come to an end. Oh well I'm just feeling really really tired and restless. I guess I really need to have good time management for my studies. Not easy! and furthermore I guess is  almost completely to zero. I don't think I'll be able watch my favourite drama series and also the coming up movies. Oh well recently just watch Skyfall and also Cold war(Chinese Movie). Even the time to enjoy myself for Karaoke is almost none.And  for the last two weeks I sprained my ankle and also that I need to rest for a about 5 days and I didn't get to enjoy the one week holiday which is during the Deepavali holiday. Of course thank God that I manage to go to church camp the fact that camp starts on Thursday and that On Wednesday went for review the doctor just say I can just take off my bandage or fibre glass and then I can walk. :) Then came back home on Saturday and the next day back to college. Land Law poof! Imagine How Mrs Santhi has taught us from Landlord and Tenant from the beginning until the middle of chapter Leasehold Covenants. Then Charitable trust is cool and interesting by Edmund Lau. And also I haven't been studying that much and I guess I really need to master the first four chapters properly although the lectures in college is going really fast and as fast as a bullet train! Poof! God bless me through this journey until end of May 2013!  

Time passes by so quickly

Seriously this time is so difficult to catch up with my studies. I mean basically through out this period not easy to grasp the subject matter so easily. Furthermore is so difficult to find a group of friends who are willing to discuss on the topics. You might be taking two subjects is that easy. I seriously think that is not that easy and is really really tough. I overheard one of classmates saying that " In part 1 is almost true to say that there is no life". Yes I have to admit that I really need to work really really hard. And part 1 is no joke is a must to read judgments if is a means of reading 100 over pages. Going to college at the same going to church and serve God is a big challenge but this time I really have to say that I'm doomed. To many commitment. I guess the matter of studying 'last minute' won't work like in intermediate really need to be consistent and do more questions I guess is not easy to identify the issues. As well I really pray that my relationship with God won't be jeopardized. I have been hanging less with my friends now so as with my besties. 

The best way would be the discipline routine that I need to go through. Not easy that I need to go through it alone. If you have a group of friends who are same batch with you and also really study with you go for it.I am not trying to say that those who are not serious are those who don't study at all. Basically what I am trying to say is that is never been easy if you are doing it alone at all. And By The Way I seriously salute those who are taking all 4 subjects. Gambateh!!! I salute you guys all the way!!

      EAT,BREATH,STUDY LAW !!!!!!!

Part 1 finals

Being in part 1 is never been easy as the expectation is much higher comparing to intermediate. The ways in which I have been studying is first by memorizing the concept then try to understand the principles. Yes definitely until today my results have stunned me I really have no idea what to say. Furthermore I would say that trust is a very difficult subject it requires so much understanding and the answer of why? So as Land law looks easy but is not that easy if you know what I means. So much expectation and seriously I have no idea how to start and the scope is extremely technical at the same time as wide. The question most of the time is why was judgement made this way. Everyone has different set of mind. Definitely will not be easy. So as time management is very important. I have becoming getting lazier and lazier. Oh well! I need to pull up my socks and study! Oops! ....... 

Not too bad!

Yesterday was great ! Back in college is alright is just that there are certain things that I really miss. Yeah previous post was the emo... emo... but I guess is a great kick start for this season. Yes feel so awkward in first floor and  looks so much like revision class as usual but the atmosphere is completely different. But then thank God for everything and so far it was so so only. Not too bad though! Had a fruitful day! Always knowing that God is always there right beside you and gives you an assurance not to be afraid. Is a good training I guess because it involves every single part of your being whether physically, spiritually and mentally. I even give a second thought not to do bar in UK because of the terms and conditions and that part of training is where you'll be mocked, insulted and in too much pressure and many many more. My greatest hope is at least I can get 2:2 minimum and marched forward for CLP.

A Positive Song

Oh well I don't have much things to do lately while searching some nice song. On the other hand recently I have been watching documentaries different countries about communism like Romania and East Germany (Today has been reunited as Germany). Oh well the best part was watching the footage of the rise of  Nicholae Ceuasescu and the fall of Nicholae Ceuasescu ( till the day he was being sent to firing squad) and never seen one like that. This is a really nice song by The Script feat will.iam for Hall of Fame in a way is very inspiring. Enjoy!!!

Becoming insane

Tomorrow is Sunday and will be the first day of college for part 1. The stakes are getting higher if you know what I mean. Throughout my life. I've criticize for many things for not being pretty and smart and idiot and not knowing how to do this and that and already been doubly stressed by all these factors but yet I still survive and definitely Thank God for helping to go through all these problems as well as with the support of my friends and also my family especially my mama ( not my own biological mother/ Aunty) and also papa (my uncle). So as my own parents especially my own dad and my mum too.My stress level has been shooting up 0 - 100%. Plus with something extra the burden has been added to me. But I'm just keeping silent to myself and I'm glad those who really really knew, know that how much I've changed. Oh well! until today first impression counts right? To many people and I guess is not easy for me to go through that path being criticize every detail of my life from looks to education and also my capability in handling this and that.
In all things give thanks God for pulling me through. I know that is not an easy path and is only when you are really down that you depend on God more.  God Bless Everyone and have a nice day.

Tomorrow is the day!!!!

When it comes to exam results what was in your mind in the first place? The answer is whether am I going to pass or fail? Oops! Tomorrow would be the day! I have experience failure in school exams but Not the major ones like UPSR, PMR, SPM and also STPM!!! And also including My driving test! All pass once and for all! And Definitely I really thank God for all the exams results that I have throughout my life until now. No one knows what will happen tomorrow! Only God knows and it is really important to put full trust in The Lord! I also know what is the problem me. The problem with me is because of procrastination I study almost everything last minute! Even for my LLB exam I have started studying 3 months before my exam! And I'll never know what happen me especially. And definitely be prepared for failing all subjects. It was like 20 times worse than STPM as we need to complete the syllabus within 8 months and our performance is based within 3 hours for one paper!!! I am quite heart sickening though! And I never consider myself as a smart or hardworking student! 

Scary but okay .....

I really thank God for a successful injury! And I really thank God for having great friends and  family who has been visiting me and concern for me. I also always wonder this is a really small world while I was in hospital! Oh well! And this in not the end of everything but just the beginning of everything! And Yeah Congratulations to Navini and Elysse Diong for being the top scorers in Malaysia under University of London Programme. My greatest moment of feat would my results I don't even dare to have a look at them and I know there is something terrible that will happened. Trying to stay clam and steady! Just aiming for pass! and for all subjects! Hopefully I can scrape through for my Part 2. Give thanks to God for the life he has given to me. And Hopefully I won't be having troubles after taking out the 20 centimeter of my redundant sigmoid colon and not being of suspect having IBS-C. If you know what it means!:)

Have a nice day everyone!

Insecure....

There is one thing very common among girls that they would say that " ....... is prettier than me" which I think completely true. Most of time we always think that person is much more prettier  and smarter than ourselves  and insecurity will always be there. As the world goes around and changing all the time and that people wants to become younger and prettier every single. No offense for those have that thought of going for facial and manicure and pedicure and stuff and getting hair done (which is what I like the most) and make up and stuff but what I am trying to say is that Don't ever think so negative that someone is much more prettier than you and maybe there is someone else who thinks that your pretty. Your parents would definitely think you are the sweetest person on earth and also never forget that God the creator would always think that you are pretty and beautiful in his sight! :)

Gossip!

Gossip is something which is popular among people and gossip definitely doesn't express the truth and especially talking about someone and gossip is similar to badmouthing a person about how bad their situation and this and that and sometimes during the conversation gossip can be turn into malice and people sometimes even me myself I have to admit that until the exact that exaggeration is too vast which sometimes can be turn into a drama. Gossip is something which is juicy and what the bible says is true as gossip can spread like a fire so quickly.

James 3:5-6 (NIV)

 

⁵ Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶ The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 

and  continue by saying  in verse  ⁸ but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 

And that by right the tongue we have is to praise God. So what does the bible say about gossip?

 Proverbs 11:13
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.

 Proverbs 16:28
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

 Proverbs 26:20
Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.

However many would not realized that the purpose of having a tongue is to praise God and not gossip or curse the other person. I guess that we should spend more time talking something that is beneficial.

One of the things that I learn throughout this process is that the tongue we had or the voice we have comes from God and that we should thank God that we are not dumbfounded, what I am trying to say is that appreciate this small part of body that God has given to us and that we should use it to praise him always and also share the gospel and his love to other people especially the love one around us. 

It is common that as human beings we will not be completely satisfy ourselves and appreciate for what we have and that it is important to check on ourselves what we have said because a word itself can break a relationship apart and is important to become watchful even if you are being in an emotional state of mind . I know is not easy as is deep down within our sinful nature and that we are sinners.

I have to admit that is because we are not perfect therefore we need Christ.

 

 

Being Humble

Hi everyone, I know that I haven't been blogging so frequent as I have become very busy since the day I have started to work on an event for my mum and there was so much that I have learn from this event the theme is "Wound Healing with passion". I never really knew well what my mum's job really was and then when I discover almost everything and stuff and I knew that My mum obtain her Diploma those days under Diabetic Foot Ulcer in UM Medical Centre yes with her UM logo on her certificate and I know from A-Z about her work and she gave a talk to an international conference recently held in Sheraton Hotel. For this whole time I misjudge my mum telling her and questioning her why she dumped me after she gave birth to me after two days and is true after two days old she totally gave me away to my aunt who is also my 'mama' to take care of me for nine years and that one of the medical officer commented that my mum is actually a qualified podiatrist and that in Malaysia there is no Podiatrist in government health sector. What is a podiatrist? Podiatrist means Foot doctor. However my mum is a nurse under foot care specialist.

What really touches me was that my mum has touches lives of so many people and that was a very encouraging to hear from someone from Aunty Kumari my mum really uses her work place to serve God and also that one of the doctors said that sometimes they have to listen to nurses and learn from them and that humbleness and meekness is very important and that they also acknowledge that everything comes from God and that the duty of the doctor is to save the patients life and also their from being amputated. My mum is really brave that she's will to clean all those nasty and infected legs which how many people are willing to do it? Not many people would agree that they could serve God in their work place because most of the time we were taught to serve in church and that serving only provided with God's grace not by own strength or because people tell you to do so and it would be at  best to serve god with a willing heart together with humbleness.

At many times as a human I have to admit that we are being so arrogant thinking that we have done enough for God. While helping out this event in the working process as a volunteer or as a committee for this event is that I said this to the chairman " Thank You for giving me the opportunity to help out in this event and I have learn a lot". Is because of this event when I have the opportunity to help out I learn to appreciate so many things and that this event by helping out I have learned a lot and that is also possible to incorporate it into my course which is law. Of course people think I'm silly for helping out in this wound care event while I'm studying law and that I should go for legal firm attachment instead of getting involve with medical stuff.

At the end what I am trying to say is that my mum's work and the day she abandoned me for that nine years have been completely justified! And I do believe most of the time people would say that is so cruel that my mum gave me away to my relative after two days!

 

Relationships and roles

Today I learn so many things last night during the bible study with Yow Looi. The key point is know your role. Whether your role as a student or a church member or as a daughter and many more.

Oh well! One of the most important I have learn is that when you are in a relationship especially for Boyfriends and Girlfriends relationship it is very important to put God in the Centre of the relationship and that also woman must submit to their partner. I know is Odd right? Because the bible study is on 1Kings 18 about Elijah and Obadiah and that Ahab's wife had lead him astray because of his love for his wife over God and He worshiped Baal, same goes to Solomon and also talk about being unequal yoke as mention in 2nd Corinthians 6:14 whereby once again encouragement and supporting one another is also important. Other than BGR even as a church member we must learn how to support leaders as the Church is the body of Christ instead of complaining here and there. Oh well! I guess that it applies to general relationship as well but I guess last night's bible study was kinda 75% on BGR! and that it stresses that is important to pray for your the other partner and to grow in the Lord together and also about husband and wife's role (as stated in proverbs 31)  woman plays a submissive role or also known as supporting role also we shouldn't simply comment about other people's roles.

After come back from Bible study I had to helped out mum to print, cut and paste her whole list of attendance.I really Thank God for the many encouragements that I had received from my brother and sisters in Christ.

This Coming Week

Oh well! Yesterday  was great though get to go worship God in Petra and is the first time joining Steven Yam's class and so much to catch up for SDC oh well! hehe! Then went to SMACC and this was so last minute to do The Old testament reading today for Psalms 140 lol haha! This is something great today !

hmm as for mum? she has been working late at night as she is the assistant chairman of the Congress which is an International Congress and that she has too brush up her slides and so many more things for her to do. Oh well! Just pray for her that God will guide her and give her wisdom in order to do well in her presentation as  this will be her first time to present in an International Congress especially this coming Thursday and many more to come. I seriously just can't imagine the bulk of the work and also the time for her presentation for 5 days (including rehersal on Wednesday) at Sheraton Hotel, Wow! Until the extend I need massage her neck! Hmm that's all for today!!

But I really Thank God for good things that has happened and today although is Father's Day at least I get a chance to have a lunch between me and my dad and then get to rush of to the Cathedral and also Thank God for the great fellowship that we had throughout the day from morning until the night and also great to see Hilda and we share great things together Yeah and with Mei Vern and many many more people today !! Hehe.

James 1:17 'Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows'

Encouragement

There has been so many things that has happened at one go within these few days and is so sudden! 

I really really Thank God for the things that has happened. These few day I really spend time with God and also spend time sharing the things me and my had dad. I am really worried about my dad spiritual life until Yesterday he told ' I have read your book on The prodigal son and that is just more than the lost son but is about elder brother and younger brother'. My heart really jumped up! Usually I hate anyone in my house to touch my things and my dad told me he read The Prodigal God by Tim Keller I am so happy and really Thank God for that, since he has been reading it half way then I encourage him to continue on reading because is so meaningful and it talks about fear and love and about hope too.

And then in the evening yesterday I cried down again because of  I saw one of the card it was a giant birthday Card which was signed by Safwat before STPM and he wrote ' Happy Birthday Esther. Good Luck for STPM -Safwat-' with his signature but inside my birthday it says this " What joy it brings to see God's hand at work in your life to see you grow under this care". These are the words inside the card which made me cry and the front cover of my giant glitter card says this " God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference. This Giant card inside has CD itself and also then I tried to find the CD which is a minus one guitar song of the gospel was played by William Kok, with all those beautiful classic hymns together with Christmas songs. Then I realized that I seriously have no right to question God about life and death because he did used Safwat to touch the hearts of many people, then I remember that at one time he show me their children version with a Big Fish infront and then I told him " Yes I know is about Jonah '' Yunus'' and then we continue talk on about Ninevah and stuff.Although that book belongs to Adirah. There is a deeper message and definitely is from God.

Then last night while My Aunt keep talking about Money and Life she thinks that having Money and riches is everything that I realized that is not the true and then we keep on talking until one point of time " Then she said this ' This is what Jesus said right (in Cantonese)'. Then I answered " Yes". You can have as much money and as much riches on this earth and the things you wanted but it will never satisfied your heart until you really value the people around you which is the utmost important.

I skipped Thursday Bible study because I have decided to meet David and Chuah and it was a coincidence when because in the morning David saw me at  Sushi Zanmai Restaurant and he was sitting right behind my dad with his friend. Yeah we met up at Wong Kok before Chuah arrived we chat about those days back in Cochrane and how at times we skipped class just to attend CF and then we about EM ' Evangelistic Meeting' that they always have every year at All Saint's Church and I was telling him how Helawati wanted to clamp CF and that I told him the last time I went back was about two years ago for their EM and that Puan Cheah was asking for Him and also Chuah. 

Then when Chuah arrived (late) because of his car key was inside his car and was locked and call his dad and fix it. Then Chuah realized that life is short and really short especially for Safwat as lived for only 22 years and then we continue on chatting and chat and realized that each of us has mature in some ways and that it never came across my mind that Chuah was commenting on the Rally by FGA Cheras which they had in Bukit Jalil  the miracles of healing where by a person was blind and able to see again. I just answered ' Oh I see'. Yeah then I also mention that I'm not going to think about having a 'relationship' on boyfriend and girlfriend thingy anymore and decided to become friends with everyone and I told them about J saying to them that ' I will never ever think about Chan Kar Sing again, No more and completely erase him with that crush thought and saying that oh well I'll just be his normal friend and nothing more' and definitely it would be a challenge for me to go back and see all my brother and sister in Christ although I didn't join them for Thursday bible study' and in my heart definitely looking forward to go back on Sunday. Anyway this yumcha session was great we talk about all kinds of things and joke and to our surprise we saw our junior which are Debbie and Kenyung and then David told me that both of them are studying  law LLB (UOL)  in ATC  and that Debbie is now in inter March 2012 class and there were sitting down there and we were sitting above. Oh well yeah Chuah still has that small prejudice towards Kenyung  because of those times back in Cochranean  that in that Restaurant there are similarities within 5 of us and that we are law students although we sat separately but  4/5 are from ATC. Yeah we didn't hang really really late like we used to and that our yumcha session is always until 1 am. and we went home early about 10 pm. We also have decided to go for  Karaoke Session next week and also having One day trip to Malacca the week after next and I did told them I wanted to go one place for memory lane sake which I haven't told them I really hope during that One day trip to Malacca I could really visit the place and asked about the condition of the placed and also that placed is a closed area (complicated) just to clear the doubt in my heart.

What I do realized from this episode is that there is so much more to learn in this live, some may think that I am still living in the past and that Money cannot buy relationship, Money cannot buy time, Money cannot buy life and also Money can never be compared to God's great love for us and that I am not against those who are rich  and they can serve God at the same time because I do believe God is still working in their lives and have purpose for them. Although the bible literally says that ' You cannot serve both God and money'. 

And I did asked my dad what do you think about me these few days and he said that 'I'm matured'.

And I do have to say  that I am selfish, materialistic and think about myself not taking into other people's account or opinion and that I am almost right in everything and LASTLY, I can never trust myself and also realized that how terrible SIN . Although I am not perfect but I do believe I am still in the evolving process and that I want to become like Christ and the path is not easy. The most important thing is to encourage one another.  

The question is how is God working in your life?

 And also PS: Hannah so sorry if I have changed my mind last minute and cause problem towards you for the trip!

Something Happened....

Last night in the middle of night something really struck me! 

The whole day I was reading the bible flipping here are there and then read proverbs and that there was so much meaning and read out loud to mum while she was preparing her presentation (Please pray for her presentation she look so stressed) is her first time presenting it to so many people at Sheraton Hotel and this is an International Congress  and my mum will be presenting it to international speakers entitled "Wound Healing with Passion". 

Lol! But my main point is not about my mum. While I was reading in the afternoon! I read 1st King it was interesting though yeah read for about a few chapters and then Benaiah Son of Jehoida came up! it was interesting though but at that point it didn't struck me so much  looking back things at Pyp.

I started to broke down and cry while I was reading in the middle of the book for the Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. I realized that why I cried is because of One thing the sketch that was done Once upon a time ago on the raja-raja and One of the Baju Melayu it was Safwat who lend it to me willingly and that Baju Melayu was Blue in Colour and was chosen to be the costume for King which was wore by Yoke Bin and not just Safwat alone even Muhamad and Afiq and Aisyah too did help me out to cari the costume.Then I realized how precious those moment was to me and I really really Thank God for sending such a caring friend like Safwat to help out in  the sketch.Until now I can never ever forget those moments I have with Safwat of course I did share this to one of  sister in Christ. When last week the moment I heard Safwat has passed away I completely can't recall almost anything except for creating the school magazine background and also the jamuan we had before exam he asked me whether can he have  the Smith Chips ( from Australia) since nobody wanted this and it is suitable for vegetarian. And the thing is that I did share the gospel with Safwat but he just listen and take it as an opinion.

Last week on Saturday something terrible happened and I am so sorry if I have stumbled anyone in that any manner because I simply just went out of control  I am truly and sincerely sorry for what I have done. Of course, I really Thank God for sending him telling me off! it was because of that Not only I realized how wrong I was and that bad my attitudes was. Oh Well! Truth hurts! This incident has given me a chance to review my own attitude and that I realized that I cannot trust on myself because even I cannot completely understand myself. And also those time whereby I  喊打喊杀  moment is worth it and I didn't eat for two days except for drinking water and also the small amount of curry puff at church on Sunday and having a hard time eating even the next day.

Oh well! On Monday I went for briefing and had  fellowship with Aunty Wong and to my surprise my mum said Aunty Wong will be bringing me to a bookshop at a Methodist church and I didn't know they even had a bookstore there and she wanted to find some Chinese materials to another old Aunty who is 80 years illiterate and only able to understand Mandarin to my surprise it was an eye opener I have never seen a Christian Bookstore full of Chinese materials but there are some English material, those are likely only about 5-10%. I was also encourage by the things she had told me and also to my surprise I told her and Aunty Kumari there is one huge bookstore which is Canaan Land around pudu ulu area near PGRM. Yeah Aunty Wong thought since it was so near she would like to go there but of course and that time she send me home it was quite late because she had another appointment yeah we didn't manage to go Canaan land Bookstore at D'Alamanda.And Thank God we didn't go there because they close on Monday!

Of course I have been encourage by many of my brother and sister. One of the things I learn is that no matter where we are or who were are it is so important to build up one another as Christian. And of course no matter how 'terrible'  that person is they are still our brother and sister in Christ and knowing that we will be together in heaven someday.     

   

Life

The life that we had, there will never be a time whereby is completely smooth. It was already told in the bible there will trials and tribulation in the bible. The life that I have is an extremely complicated life and not many people would have the full length story of my christian walk with God. But what I do know is that God is working in me and that I am not perfect so as everyone else. Never forget that God is in control of our lives in terms of life and death and many many more things. I know is so sad thinking about bad things that has happened towards the people whom we love so much and I know is not easy for everyone to accept it. The most important thing is learn to forgive one another as we are united in Christ.

Because I know that God is always there for me and available for 24 hours and as the journey is getting harder than ever. In life there will always be ups and downs and is so important to rely on God's word and prayer rather than depending on our strength and relying on our own understanding. And also we keep on thinking we can understand ourselves but actually is reverse sometimes you never know that the things you wanted is the best for your own good. In fact is wrong. Whether at times of good or bad God is always with us and sometimes we take things for granted. Whenever there is an opportunity given to you make full use of it and that these are the things which is more precious than any other things.

 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Memories !

In life sometimes you think you have a choice but actually is not though and also I still grieving on Safwat's death and also is weird trying to dig out every memories that we had as a good friend and he's the mastermind of creating the background for school magazine for our class and also the times we had and when I think back, I absolutely miss someone too!! because of school days and stuff. Since after his death I have been quite pessimistic about myself and definitely has affected my mood and reaction in bible study this morning. I try to cried but I couldn't because I'm already immune to this kind of situation for the reason that whenever it comes to exam last few weeks ago I keep telling myself to be strong and yet this sadness has been in my heart without show showing my facial expression and stuff. Oh well! I really thought of letting go P since I'm already in a new place but actually I can't too many memories there is still deep down within my heart.

Is just as if like digging down the grave of my heart and found the treasure of my heart and I do realized one of my bad attitude as identified by someone today, I am a self-centered person but that was way back when I was in P which I have to admit is true and it reflected today and By looking myself today everyday you cannot realized your own mistake in terms of your own attitude . I guess by digging out and finding that small tiny little spot is very important because that tiny little spot has made me become who I am and knowing that it wasn't Jesus who shaping myself and that by thinking you understand your own and by thinking you know what is right and wrong according to your own dictionary doesn't make us become like Christ instead I am bearing a bad fruit rather than good fruit. I also do believe that actually many of us self-centered is some ways.

Of course there has been always a fear for me to go back to P and it would be a big challenge and I do realized that I can be in this new place temporary until I graduate and that I cannot stay there for long and knowing that I am still in a battle and is not easy to deal and face everyone back then and that is difficult and I know I cannot be in comfort zone for a very long time because once your time is up!

Safwat's death has been a tragic and  is great to have him in the same class with me and sitting in front of me. But it has also become a turning point whereby being a Cochranean has also a lot and so much more doing with P as I am still a member of P although at times I feel like I'm not part of P and also currently I am also facing with fear of going back to P of the way I am being treated 'differently'.

' 我不爽我自己' at times, Now I am like robot.Oh well since I started my course I have become a robot!

Problems

In our life I always do believe in any circumstances we will have problems and we will go through some form of suffering and sadness is not easy to handle these problem. One thing I found out recently is that I never knew how depressed and sad I was until I revisit my old Facebook account and that those things I have posted and even some of the mean and nonsensical post it was me. I do have to admit that I am wrong and also I was able to see that the good thing of 'closing' down this account ( it didn't delete my account permanently). The real reason for shutting down this old Facebook is because I really want to focus on my studies and that I did open a new account so that is only close friends and for those who add me would really want to know me personally.However even this new account has failed me for the reason being that close friend of mine Lee Jia May posted some nasty things about me and she hid it from me and make sure that I won't know about it and it feels like an bomb had bombarded in my heart and crush into pieces of my heart and that it forces me to the extend that I have to delete her from my account ( I know she called MA and asked her why I have deleted her from my account and blah blah!). If a person who really knows me well I am a straightforward person even when I am  a negative person deep down in my heart.

I guess that Jia May didn't know that I have treated her as my close friend once I knew about what she had posted in Facebook bad things about me, then I'll do all I can to fulfil her request not to call her or meet up with her or disturb her ever again in her life. since this is what she wanted as literally she posted in her Facebook oh well! is also good to know that we are on par that I deleted her from my new account and she also deleted me from my old account but what she never realized that she is still a dear friend to me. A good friend would take at any cost just to make another friend happy. One of the things I realized also that she is also a person who is being negative whenever any conversation pops up and didn't realized that how fortunate she was, which whom I was once before and Hannah also knows the level of my negativity in my behavior and that as I have reflected each and every time and every moment of my life I do realized that in some form I no longer have the fear of accepting failure and that I have overcome my low-self esteem and I sincerely Thank God for that and I do count my blessings that I have a good family (although they still criticize me on my appearance and that I didn't fulfill the standard of my studies like my other cousin's oversea graduates with second class upper and so on and so forth and also my ugly flat nose). Is not easy to overcome these problems in terms of family and relationship with friends and also failure of not being accepted into Local University as I wanted which have led me to suicidal thought at some point of time.

But what I am trying to say is that look at the bright side, suicide and depression doesn't mean that your life ends here and I guess is very important to look at a bright side and plan what happens if you fail this. let say if plan A fails there is always a wider option in this world that is not the end of the world, I guess people these days are narrow minded especially within our culture that oh! she scores straights A and get yet I get 3A's. But another perspective that people don't see is that no matter how many A's you get and how many certificate you get but you have a bad character you can't go far. And Yet what they don't realized also that getting 3A's is also better than getting no A's at all and Even by passing three papers and fail one paper they just don't see that at least they pass three paper better than those who failed all subjects and Even if they fail that's not the end of the world because there is such thing is this world called resit!!! So what if you fail. Once there was a saying that ' Failure is the key to success'. What does this mean? 

 When you fail, the first thing you have to do is to realized the crux of the problem beneath your failure and don't get to depressed about it and also stop blaming other people for your failure and start your engine once again .If you realized that the last time you didn't put it enough effort this time try put in extra amount comparing before. I also admit that I am not perfect because I am human and so as everyone else, everyone has flaws even the person whom you loved.

I guess the only way to know yourself better is to have a mirror is some form which will reflect how bad you are and is important to tell yourself to stay calm try to be positive, learn from mistakes even in friendship and family relationship and also become a more understanding person as is ' what happens if you were her in that situation' and if you could avoid problems in terms of any family relationship or friendship then stay away or last resort ignore the problems  and never hide yourself, is very important to be true to yourself. Although the world out there , there are more nasty people and bullies around you more to come in working life.

What I need to learn now is be thankful for the things I have and also I really Thank God for the things he has given upon me a wonderful family and also having friends around me and brother and sister in Christ, whom I can talk to and share my spiritual life about the bible with them.

Although I've failed in keeping up a good relationship with a friend like Jia May (first time losing such a good friend)  if I know a person someone like her I might know how to handle them in future.

Although I have failed to keep up the standards of my family members (whether Christian or Non- Christian) at least I am true to myself and be who I am instead of  being under someones shadow which also includes some of my friends who can't accept me in some ways.

A true friend will accept you no matter who you are even if they have failed you, the doors are still open wide and welcome you anytime no matter how bad or nasty they are even they have back stabbed you  and forgive their wrong doings in any manner.

What has past is past look to the future! And don't look back

Remember the good moments that you had with your friends and not the bad ones because it will not do good to you.

Trust in the Lord always because he will never fail you and he will not forsake you either.